What I want for 2008

1) An 888GB External Hard Disk Drive. Because I’ve always thought that figure was tacky.
2) Eternal battery life for my iBook and iPod Touch
3) Take over the world
4) And following 3), I will rule the world from a floating palace hidden behind dark clouds. That way the mere mortals below will feel my forbidding presence. Anyone caught flouting my laws (ie, wearing Crocs or anything equally heinous) will be dramatically struck dead by lightning.
5) Stop wasting my time fantasising and writing frivolous lists like this and get some work done.

Happy New Year!

31st December, 2007. 1:20pm

While I know that WordPress would emblazon the date of this entry very proudly on my page, I just felt like typing it out to get a feel of actually typing it there - a realisation of sorts that I’m sitting on the last day of what has been a terrible year.

2007 has taken me places. I’ve met an incredible range of people from the beautiful, stylish, fabulous and heel-clad women at Gucci’s office to an HIV positive 18 year old. I’ve sun bathed in the islands of Krabi and charged up hills with a rifle in hand and had lovely days sitting alone on benches with a single cupcake watching the world go by.

Blog-wise however, I’ve hopped quite a few platforms morphing my digital identity from mature insight to immaturely sightless; from smart to smutty and I’ve settled on a very public one where the only dirty laundry I air will be my clean pair of sexy CK briefs.

As with every year, I wish everyone around me, a happy one, and yet we all know that to have one that is completely happy would be impossible. Our humans lives are such that while we like to shut our ears to silence the chaos around us, the distinct rumbling drums of drama will always make itself heard.

If I could reduce the last year to one lesson, it would be: to observe.

To observe myself, my environment, my people and to accept it for what it is, live it and own it in a way only I can.

I shan’t ramble any further. In true spirit of celebrations, here’s a happy new year to you, and while it won’t be perfect, the future holds plenty more of exciting lessons we can learn from.

Get rid of the hangover from hell.

So you were out and about on Christmas Eve hissing like a rattlesnake at Santa’s little teenaged sluts wearing stupid Santa hats on the way to getting yourself smashed. You wake up the next morning with a killer hangover and wanting to do nothing more than slice your head open with a fillet knife - except that you can’t get out of bed much less go to the kitchen to hold one.

There’s yet be a known cure or remedy for hangovers. In fact, experts the world over haven’t come up with anything conclusive and a 4 page feature published in the British Medical Journal concluded with, “No compelling evidence exists to suggest that any conventional or complementary intervention is effective for preventing or treating alcohol hangover. The most effective way to avoid the symptoms of alcohol induced hangover is to practise moderation.”

But hey, nobody said you couldn’t or shouldn’t try. Before you go out and damage your body again on New Year’s Eve, I’ve asked around to see what works for other busy party people to minimise that dreadful hangover.

1) Hydrate yourself
If you don’t already know that alcohol removes water from your body (why do you think you trot around from the bar or dancefloor to the toilet so much) then maybe you should be staying home to knit instead. When your night is over, drink as much water as you can to replace the lost fluids.

What I like to do is fill up a 1 litre bottle with lukewarm water and chug it down as I prepare for bed and change from my well-dressed self to Dobby’s long lost dumpy twin brother after a night of partying.

2) Ginger and spice and everything not so nice
I discovered this on a drinking session at Cornerstone where I was quickly lightheaded. My friends decided to grab some food off the menu and we ended up having black pepper squid, and black pepper beef. Within minutes, I snapped back to clarity.

I also like to drink ginger tea at your everyday coffeeshop when I’m done clubbing. Ask for Teh Halia or Susu Halia, the former meaning tea with ginger and the latter, milk with ginger. I had this in the morning after ZoukOut (I downed tequila shots like water that night) and while I was really tired the following day, I didn’t have a hangover at all.

3) Vitamins
This is a no-brainer. I pop a multi-vitamin pill before sleeping. Vitamin C boosts the metabolic rate for your liver to process the alcohol while vitamin B1 breaks down the leftover alcohol in your system.

When available, I drink a glass of fruit juice before sleeping, because besides the vitamins I ingest, the fruit juices available at supermarkets contain levels of sugar. And your body needs that sugar to breakdown the alcohol.

4) A cold shower
Unless you’re an army boy, 5am showers are unheard of. In fact, the idea itself sounds somewhat preposterous. But stepping into the cool shower does wonders. Your mind immediately snaps together and research has shown that it might simulate your body to repair itself. A cold shower is akin to a tiny dose of something harmful and the body would naturally want to repair itself.

Check with your doctor if you’re having heart problems with regards to cold showers. But then again, what the heck would you be drinking your life away if you’re having pulmonary complications anyway?

5) Frightful fried food
You come home and you see a plate of fried chicken laid innocuously on the stove. The next thing you know, you’re shoving it down your throat. Chemically, greasy food helps only slightly. And that’s because fat is turned into sugar, hence, energy. But for of us, we just whack it because it’s comforting.

6) Panadol

Two pills taken before you sleep should be enough to kill the throbbing headache. But this shouldn’t be a permanent fixture on your drinking routine. With your liver and kidney already working overtime, panadol would add on to the strain and excessive use can lead to kidney failure or liver damage. But maybe once in a while shouldn’t be too bad.

All that said, the best way to prevent hangovers is to drink in moderation. Ask for water with a slice of lime in between drinks to keep yourself hydrated. If you have any other suggestions or comments to treat or prevent hangovers, feel free to pop them below!

Here’s wishing you a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

I decided to design an e-card myself because everything else I saw was loud, tacky and designed with happy people in mind. And of course, this e-card goes out to you as well.

Merry Christmas,
The Pro Bono Columnist

Style, Savvy & Success

I have a small two page feature published in January’s Arena magazine. It’s already out in stores so be sure you take a peek. At $7.90, it may cost a teeny weeny bit more than your usual lad mags but trust me it’s worth the read (and I swear, I’m not saying that because my writing is in it. No, really…)

Shot in shorts - Spring/Summer ‘08

Here in Singapore, it’s always been Spring/Summer and thank god the seasons are rolling in soon because I think I’ve had about enough of seeing people on this tropical island walking around in scarves thinking they’re in fucking Siberia. The only thing cold here is the insecure icy stare they give to unsuspecting passerbys who give them cursory glances.

Dressy men’s shorts feature this season and should make their way around on fast fashion store’s clothing shelves so you won’t have to fork out a bomb to look like the models below. Pair them off with a sleek pair of shoes and you’re off to looking good without even trying.

Above left: Hermès, right: Salvatore Ferragamo

 

Above left: Jill Sander, right: Lacoste

 

Above left: Ralph Lauren, right:Miu Miu

Time to tone and tan those legs, you think?

An (internet) star is born

And I’m not talking about Hady Mirza who won Asian Idol - I don’t actually care about what’s on the tube. Whats on Youtube, however, is another thing.

So this caught my attention via tomorrow.sg:

Ling86 appeals to me for the earnestness that shines through her sung poetry. It’s in how ordinary she seems at first - from the bedroom backdrop to her nondescript appearance. She’s every bit the girl next door I would pass by when roaming the library without knowing she could write heartfelt songs and actually sing them well with her Norah Jones-esqe voice.

With over 800,000 hits and counting on Youtube, I think she’s well on her way and I hope a record company which won’t bastardise her creativity will sign her on. While I think Singapore is an island overflowing with puerile bullshit, I do listen to music by our own artistes. I own albums by The Observatory and Rani Singam and don’t label them “Local” because it’s just degrading to differentiate them as such.

As for Ms. Ling86, bless her soul, she joked that there are plenty of bad songwriters on Youtube but you know what, she’s definitely not one of them. And if she ever releases an album, you’ll probably find it on my playlist.

ps, No, I don’t own any Taufik Batisah or Hady Mirza albums.

Confessions of a Christmas Cynic

Christmas is around the corner and our favourite belt of shopping temples is embracing itself for overzealous consumerist worshippers. Scraggly lights have been strewn about from street to street, on trees and creeping up display windows. Decorations so tacky to the point of being offensive plop themselves down at the most inconvenient of locations to further clog up the pavements.

And to make matters worse, there are the horrid buskers which attract wide-eyed idiots around them likes flies to rubbish who insist on snapping pictures which would probably end up forgotten in the bowels of their hard disk drive anyway.

“What’re you? The Grinch?” my friend Angie asked as I scooped up a mini peach danish onto my tray.

“No, I just think it’s so… fake.”

It was a wonderful Friday afternoon, one which I’d planned to sit on a grass patch somewhere in town and flip through magazines while catching up with Angie. Somewhere away from the bad Christmas carols sung by screeching children who think they’re so cute - you know which type I’m referring to.

Turns out, the moment we got off the escalator with our bakery goods, it started to rain. We went back in the shopping mall where the kids assaulted my poor eardrums with a chipmunk rendition of ‘Santa Clause is Coming to Town’.

I swear, my sushi lunch was on the verge of being regurgitated.

We got around to Marks & Spencer at Wheelock where I browsed for Christmas cards and got out a list of names to send to.

“You still send out Christmas cards?”

“Yeah. Tasteful ones by snail mail, not these bleeding with corniness” I said to her and slid a pack of cards back onto the shelf.

“I haven’t sent cards out for ages. I just click and send these days. Much easier. PLUS, you save the cost.”

That night, I sat on my beanbag with my laptop with the intention of browsing through some e-cards. I came across the most disdainful collection of tacky animations I’ve ever seen complete with faux snowflakes floating down the screen, scratchy tunes in midi format and Maybelline-Rosy-Cheeked Santas huffing down the chimney to do the Polka.

“Your message will appear here,” I could just imagine a dozen Santa’s little elves singing in a devastatingly cutesy chorus.

Quick, someone pass me the barf bag.

But when I got up to get my list of Christmas Card Names, I paused and for the first time since jotting it down, realised that the number of names reduces with each passing year.

And there it was. The secret reason to my unrelenting fortress of Christmas cynicism staring right up at me within my hands.

It seems almost tradition for me to slip into a mode of reflection as the year comes to an end. And naturally, since the holiday season fans out into the new year, poor little Santa becomes my personal symbol of cheer to burn at the stake with a vengeance, because looking back, each year ends too soon and almost never on a good note. Santa just happens to be there to be bludgeoned silly with his sack of presents.

My friendster and facebook account is filled with people I’ve lost touch with. And that night I looked through them with a palpable degree of sadness, clicking on people whom I either used to see everyday or have played important roles in my life. There were pictures we’ve taken holding the happiest and saddest memories; of birthdays, wild nights out in the clubs, new year countdowns and one, of me in front of a dead drunk outside Zouk. And I realised then, at midnight on a Friday, I was being visited by the Ghost of Relationships Past.

Perhaps this was responsible for turning my experience of the Yuletide cheer, into a Nation-wide jeer. Something inside me hates this feeling of loss and takes it out in the form of a disgruntled Peach Danish-chomping grump.

Friends do, mean a lot to me. But how do you know which ones will stick by you in the long journey and which ones are really just passer-bys?

And why do I insist on sending silly little Christmas cards as a symbol of friendship when the relationship means so much more? Am I guilty of replacing my presence with printed cardboard pieces and fanciful words?

“Christmas cards usually mean, Hey remember me? I’m still alive!” Angie said to me online, “So why bother spending and killing trees when you could drop them an email?”

“Look who’s The Grinch now.” I replied, “Besides, I really mean it you know.”

You never know how long people around you will last. So meanwhile, I’ve come to a decision: no more cards, but more time together. A phone call or coffee to catch up means so much more than a stupid card. The jig is up: Mr Martini-Sippping-Christmas-Cynic has an incredibly soft spot he conceals by bashing up senior citizen Santa. But hey, that still doesn’t mean chipmunk renditions of Christmas carols or tacky decorations won’t turn me severely bulimic.

What’s in the bag

Yes, it’s one of those ‘What’s in your bag’ entries. I couldn’t resist it since it’s a rainy Saturday afternoon and I’m at home sinking into my bean bag while sipping Chai. I whipped out my camera and took the picture of my bag where it can usually be found: sprawled lifeless on the carpet and not elsewhere with the dignity it should deserve.

1) The bag: Buffalo hide vintage documentary bag
I got this off a second hand store for about SGD32. Its label reads: Genuine Leather, Buffalo Hide, Made in India. Yes it’s real. I usually wear it only when I’m in a shirt or black blazer thrown over a tshirt - something more dressy.

2) Novel: The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
My second time reading it. My first read was when I was 16.

3) Journal sketchbook
I got this from Borders. It has a cover made of maroon velvet and no lines inside. Everything from my notes to my thoughts and journal entries to random recipes and grocery shopping lists go inside.

4) Magazine
I usually bring along a magazine for light reading. For more on the titles I read, scroll down the sidebar. I just happened to bring Time with me.

5) iPod Touch 16GB
My baby. I can’t go anywhere without it. I have videos of Prison Break, Sex and The City, all my songs plus, a web browser all rolled into one.

6) 12″ iBook G4
It’s a few years old and the keyboard is stained a slight yellow. My iBook has been with me through thick and thin through solo latte sessions and raucous laughter when Youtubing. Doubt I’ll get a macBook anytime soon since it’s still working fine. Besides, it’s 12 inches. I love the size, I think the smallest macBooks come in are 13 inches. I don’t know, maybe someone could correct me?

7) Ray Bans sunglasses
For a pair of sunglasses, SGD285 is not in my measly budget. It was an impulse buy to cheer myself up. But you can never go wrong with a pair of Ray Bans and I’ve been wearing them everywhere ever since.

Every person’s guide to our coffee chains.

Face it, not all of us are coffee connoisseurs, as TCC would like to fool itself into believing, but all of us have been to some coffeehouse on some basis, be it weekly, daily or monthly. With our growing affluence, commercial coffee culture can only keep growing and new chains opening up every few years or so.

So how do normal busy and stressed out people like us distinguish which chains are good and which are bad?

To start off, examine what your needs for going into a coffeehouse are for. I’ve listed a few criteria which most people go by and will be using this to review the major chains crammed on this tiny island.

1) Comfort (where you can hang out with your homies)
2) Quality (of coffee)
3) Speed (of which your order is executed)
4) Friendliess (of baristas as you whistle and look the other way to avoid conversation)

Starbucks

Have you ever really taken a look at the logo? Look at it and tell me what you see. If you ask me, I see a woman with long flowing hair with a crown, holding her two legs apart for all the world to see.

Gives you some fuel for the playground tagline, “coffeeshop open 24 hours” doesn’t it?

Now that I’ve welcomed you into my warped mind, it’s impossible for you to trot into any location on this urban jungle and not see an image of your favourite lady holding her legs wide open.

It’s arguable that Starbucks is the most successful coffee chain around and quite possibly, moulded commercial coffee culture as we know today. First opened to sell whole and roasted coffee beans, Howard Schultz joined in 1982 and went on a business trip to Italy. He came back with a brilliant idea to bring Italy’s rich espresso tradition to America.

Today and in Singapore, that white mug you’re holding is the result of the global exchange and influence. Starbucks outlets can be found every 100 metres along Orchard Road making it extremely accessible and sickeningly common.
If you’re looking for a place that’s not too quiet, with some decent coffee, Starbucks would be it. Its drinks are not too thick or rich though it could do with more volume. Its presentation isn’t quite up to par if you don’t order whipped cream (who needs that extra calories especially this season?), what with them being poured into a white mug and straight into your hands with no extra thought.

The staff are really friendly and I’ve come to notice that they maintain some form of eye contact with you as you place your order. I noticed too that if your order is “to-go” and say that you’re in a hurry, they really do put in effort to get it done quickly.

All in all, a decent place for you to hop to for a chit-chat session. Starbucks is, one of the better chains around here.

Recommended items: Hot chocolate, hot mocha, frappuccinos
Rating:

The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf

Or just Coffee Bean in street speak. I don’t know what is it with people but they tend to love drawing comparisons with Starbucks and Coffee bean. I have plenty of gripes about this company because the baristas they have behind the counter always seem to put on a stony expression.

They just take your order and tell you to proceed to the collection point without a courtesy smile.

What is it with them in hiring such unhappy people? It’s a coffeehouse for goodness sake. Can’t they at least act like they’ve swallowed just one miserable espresso shot before starting work?

Gripes about service aside, the brown gold we lust after isn’t all that either, tasting rather diluted. Once I ordered an ice blended drink and there were full chunks of ice floating around. I decided to play the demanding customer and sent it back.

But they make up for it with their teas. One sniff of the aroma and you can tell it’s good quality stuff.

Recommended Items: Earl Grey Tea
Rating:

The Coffee Connoisseur

Homegrown brand The Coffee Connoisseur or TCC for short scores with its service and art boutique concept.

If you like to be surrounded by fancy contemporary decorations without thinking they’re trying too hard then this will be the place to drag your tired soles to chill out or catch up with friends. The environment is relaxing with plenty of space to call yours as you sip your cares away.

With it’s first two outlets opening in December 2003, TCC has since been whipping up a delectable selection of over 60 types of coffee drinks from your usual lattes to Liqueur Kaffee.

Their drinks have never once been disappointments; rich, full flavored and served attractively in quaint cups or mighty tall glasses, the little bit extra you pay for is well worth the quality and overall experience. Other chains seem like drive-throughs if you compare them with TCC. Needless to say, the only membership card I’ve ever and will ever have based on coffee-drinking, is with them.

Recommended items: Café Royal (Flambé)
Rating:

Spinelli Coffee Company

Fact: Spinelli’s was one of the best rated coffee sellers in San Francisco since it was founded in 1983. It was never one of the biggest players there, nor in Singapore but it’s coffee is still much better than average and the number of outlets here is just about enough to go around.

Spinelli’s strongest selling point is in the quality of its drinks. Flavourful and full-bodied without being overpowering, they cost a tad lesser than Starbucks and Coffee Bean, though the portions are slightly smaller too. But that’s great because you’re not forced to get a big ass mug like Starbucks’ venti-sized drinks.

If you’re looking for coffee quality, Spinelli’s would be your recommended destination. Its seats are comfortable and I’ve sat for long hours catching up with friends or just by myself with my iBook sipping a latte while writing.

Oh yeah, and the outlet at The Heeren… let’s just say that it’s a regular haunt for men who bat for the other team.

Recommended items: Caramel latte, lemon mint tea
Rating:

Pacific Coffee

Who would’ve thought that one of my favourite places to go to on a rainy day would actually be from Hong Kong? I like its large couches, cozy armchairs and plenty of power points to shove my iBook’s plug into.

Pacific Coffee wins with its slow pace and comfortable environment. Drenched in maroon and wooden brown, anyone would feel instantly at home and relaxed from the point they step into the cafe.

I personally like how their coffee is served in nondescript mugs so big, they might as well come with nipples. And I don’t get the distinct feeling like I’m patronising a huge coffee company, I feel at home.

I’ve sat on their armchairs for hours writing, reading or catching up with friends. Not enough power points to go around? No probs. Just unplug one their lamps and use it. The staff don’t really mind - in fact, one of their baristas suggested it to me.

Recommended items: Iced lemon tea, cappuccino
Rating:

And there you have it. My painstakingly-written review of four major coffee chains. I’d like to review Gloria Jean’s but the only thing I’ve ever bought from any of their outlets is their bagel (which I grabbed for lunch since I was rushing off).

Next on my coffee series: How to tell if your cuppa is as good as it should be. Stay tuned folks!